live. move. be.

My precious, sweet little brother passed away suddenly on Monday morning, at the young age of 16. He was taken in his sleep with no advance notice, no time to prepare for this staggering loss. I got the call as I was about to go into work and suddenly my life was forever changed. My heart will forever be heavy with grief at the enormous hole he has left in my life, but I am full of rejoicing and peace knowing that he is resting in the arms of his Savior. It's all Caleb would have wanted. I know I will have more words to say as time goes on, but for now, I will just share the eulogy I wrote for his funeral Thursday night. These words seem horribly inadequate to honor the memory of someone so wonderful and so dear to me, but I know if he was here, he would just grin and tell me it was great.

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Last night, as I began to write down what I was planning to say tonight, I found myself staring at a blank white page for what seemed like hours. How can you even begin to describe a person like Caleb? There never comes a day when you wake up ready for your little brother to die. There is never a day when you wake up ready to write his eulogy. I cannot do him justice with my words, but I hope to share with you a brief glimpse of the incredible life my brother lived. I am proud to be his sister, and grateful to have been his friend.

Caleb was a better person than I can ever hope to be. God gave Caleb a special heart, and even as his older sister, I have always looked up to him. Whenever I describe my family to people, I have always said that Caleb was the best one of all of us. That was hard to explain unless you had met Caleb, and then you knew. You knew he lived with a love and maturity beyond his years. As many of you know personally, Caleb was a light to so many people. Whenever anyone was feeling down or discouraged, Caleb always had a cheerful word or a comforting thought to say to them. He had a smile that would light up a room, and you couldn’t help but smile back at him. He made a conscious, daily decision to greet every new challenge and every new person with a positive attitude. He spread joy to his family and friends continually, even when he was not experiencing joy in his own life.

Caleb experienced many struggles in his brief 16 years. His seizures caused him a great deal of physical and emotional pain that most people never saw. His epilepsy brought him challenges academically and on the playing field in lacrosse. He often came home from school weighed down with anxiety and sadness. He rarely felt like he fit in with other kids his age as well as he would like. It broke my heart sometimes to see the burdens he carried at such a young age. He often told me how he wanted to be close to more kids his age, and yet, as I look out over this crowd, I know he was deeply loved beyond what he could have ever imagined.

If you were to meet him, you would probably never know any of these struggles. I never, ever heard Caleb complain. He never pitied himself, and he never blamed others for his pain. I never heard him speak out in anger or retaliation against anyone. Instead, he always wanted to know what he could do to be a better friend. Rather than focusing on his circumstances, Caleb spent every waking moment at home making sure his family was okay. He cared so much more about us than about himself. He always asked us about our day before telling us about his own. He always asked how he could help when he could see one of us feeling stressed or sad. He would come and give my dad a hug, or offer to help my mom in the kitchen, or make me a cup of coffee. He never went to sleep without hugging us all goodnight and reminding us once again how much he loved us. He poured out so much love on me, my parents, and my brother Josh through his sacrificial service every single day, without ever asking to be served in return. He truly had a servant’s heart, more so than anyone I have ever known.

When I saw Caleb, I saw Jesus. Caleb not only loved the Lord with all his heart, but truly lived in a manner worthy of the calling of Christ. He befriended those who no one else would befriend. He was drawn to reach out to those who were lonely and isolated. He loved unconditionally, without judgment and without the expectation of being loved in return. He lived every day with unbiased compassion. His life is the most pure and beautiful picture of the love of Christ I will ever know in my time on this Earth.

It is hard to imagine how my life will go on without my little brother. The painful road ahead seems too immense to bear. Yet, by the grace of God, the intensity of my grief is matched by the depth of my joy. I rejoice with Caleb in the truth that his physical, mental, emotional, and spiritual struggles have all ended as he rests in the everlasting arms of his precious Savior. Caleb often spoke of his longing for a deeper relationship with the Lord, and I now know that prayer has been answered. He is finally experiencing perfect peace, perfect joy, and perfect love in the presence of his heavenly Father. Since Caleb’s passing on Monday, I keep thinking of what Jesus said in the Sermon on the Mount: “Blessed are the pure in heart, for they shall see God.” Caleb had the most pure and childlike heart I have ever known, and He is now seeing God face to face. His faith has become sight.

As my family and I deal with the devastating grief of losing a beloved son and brother, we press on with the knowledge that Caleb’s life and death has touched hundreds of people in ways we will never begin to know. We can only express gratitude for the 16 years we were allowed to have this precious gift in our lives, and for the multitude of beautiful memories we will treasure until the day when we see him again. His example of love, joy, humility, patience, kindness, and gentleness is the greatest gift God has ever given us, and we are forever thankful. I will miss him more than words can say.