New Year's Day was quite a day.
I had lunch with four of my best friends from high school (I didn't have many in those days, but the ones I had were wonderful and still remain amazing). We recounted the adventurous tales from our year and hopes for the future.....one just returned from Scotland, one arrived a few days ago from Thailand, one spent the spring semester in London, and one is about to go to South Africa in a few months. After lunch, I had coffee with another one of my closest high school friends, who shared experiences from her summers doing missions work in Jamaica and Moldova.
It just boggles my mind. When we all graduated a few years ago, we couldn't have imagined or expected the ways our lives would turn out. We couldn't have foreseen the directions our different paths would lead. I know my high school vision of the way my life would unfold was utterly different than the reality of my past few years....and yet, I wouldn't want things any other way. At every turn, my carefully laid plans seem to crumble, only to reveal plans more beautiful than my own, with such a greater depth and scope than my own small structures. One of my favorite songs of this past year was by Sondre Lerche, singing the refrain, "Better be prepared to be surprised." That line keeps replaying in my mind--I feel like that's the only thing I can prepare for anymore.
Today over coffee, my friend asked me what my plans for the next few years are. I thought about for a second and laughed before I replied, "You know, I've always had really elaborate, specific plans for my life. And consistantly over the last few years, God keeps stripping more of those away....and keeps surprising me with how He works. So I'll let Him keep working, and just live step by step, even though it terrifies me sometimes."
Over several days of my Christmas break, I was researching lots of options for the future....study abroad, internships, graduate school, careers, missions....and I started to feel really overwhelmed and afraid. Uncertainty terrifies me....lack of control really terrifies me. I panic when I realize I can't control God, when I can't direct His plans, when His work in my life and in the world doesn't make perfect, orderly sense in my mind. Then I take a step back, and think about His faithfulness....through sorrow, joy, friendship, loss, confusion, peace....and realize how little I had to do with the way my life has turned out thus far. I didn't meticulously plan and carefully research the most incredible opportunities of my past few years....they were handed to me. A few examples: My incredible family of friends in Greensboro (I couldn't have handpicked more delightful, fun, insightful, loving, creative, warm individuals to live in community with me through these years) were placed directly in my path, without me ever looking for them..... A guy in my dorm knocked on my door one night and said, "Hey, there's this camp I love, and I think you should work there".....A friend called out of the blue last October and said "I heard about this missions organization called World Harvest Mission, and it sounds like something you would be interested in." Deep friendships, my summer as a camp counselor, and my internship in Prague are only a few of the many, many doors God has opened for me that I could have never planned....and they've all changed my life forever.
And as 2009 unfolds, I'm filled with hope as much as I'm filled with uncertainty, eager to see what happens next. Two of my best friends in the whole wide world got engaged today, and I'm still grinning from ear to ear thinking about it. Another dear friend called me a few days ago to tell me about the baby son he saw for the first time on a sonogram. Weddings, births, and a million beautiful things I cannot forsee are happening this year, and it fills me with deep joy, the kind that makes you cry as much as it makes you dance.
I'm excited.....and expecting to be surprised.
I had lunch with four of my best friends from high school (I didn't have many in those days, but the ones I had were wonderful and still remain amazing). We recounted the adventurous tales from our year and hopes for the future.....one just returned from Scotland, one arrived a few days ago from Thailand, one spent the spring semester in London, and one is about to go to South Africa in a few months. After lunch, I had coffee with another one of my closest high school friends, who shared experiences from her summers doing missions work in Jamaica and Moldova.
It just boggles my mind. When we all graduated a few years ago, we couldn't have imagined or expected the ways our lives would turn out. We couldn't have foreseen the directions our different paths would lead. I know my high school vision of the way my life would unfold was utterly different than the reality of my past few years....and yet, I wouldn't want things any other way. At every turn, my carefully laid plans seem to crumble, only to reveal plans more beautiful than my own, with such a greater depth and scope than my own small structures. One of my favorite songs of this past year was by Sondre Lerche, singing the refrain, "Better be prepared to be surprised." That line keeps replaying in my mind--I feel like that's the only thing I can prepare for anymore.
Today over coffee, my friend asked me what my plans for the next few years are. I thought about for a second and laughed before I replied, "You know, I've always had really elaborate, specific plans for my life. And consistantly over the last few years, God keeps stripping more of those away....and keeps surprising me with how He works. So I'll let Him keep working, and just live step by step, even though it terrifies me sometimes."
Over several days of my Christmas break, I was researching lots of options for the future....study abroad, internships, graduate school, careers, missions....and I started to feel really overwhelmed and afraid. Uncertainty terrifies me....lack of control really terrifies me. I panic when I realize I can't control God, when I can't direct His plans, when His work in my life and in the world doesn't make perfect, orderly sense in my mind. Then I take a step back, and think about His faithfulness....through sorrow, joy, friendship, loss, confusion, peace....and realize how little I had to do with the way my life has turned out thus far. I didn't meticulously plan and carefully research the most incredible opportunities of my past few years....they were handed to me. A few examples: My incredible family of friends in Greensboro (I couldn't have handpicked more delightful, fun, insightful, loving, creative, warm individuals to live in community with me through these years) were placed directly in my path, without me ever looking for them..... A guy in my dorm knocked on my door one night and said, "Hey, there's this camp I love, and I think you should work there".....A friend called out of the blue last October and said "I heard about this missions organization called World Harvest Mission, and it sounds like something you would be interested in." Deep friendships, my summer as a camp counselor, and my internship in Prague are only a few of the many, many doors God has opened for me that I could have never planned....and they've all changed my life forever.
And as 2009 unfolds, I'm filled with hope as much as I'm filled with uncertainty, eager to see what happens next. Two of my best friends in the whole wide world got engaged today, and I'm still grinning from ear to ear thinking about it. Another dear friend called me a few days ago to tell me about the baby son he saw for the first time on a sonogram. Weddings, births, and a million beautiful things I cannot forsee are happening this year, and it fills me with deep joy, the kind that makes you cry as much as it makes you dance.
I'm excited.....and expecting to be surprised.
...........................................................................................................................
Currently listening to: "Now My Feet Won't Touch the Ground," by Coldplay
January 25, 2009 at 9:14 AM
"I'm excited.....and expecting to be surprised."
the words of a true missionary