Yeah, it's been a while since I've posted. This happened when I returned from Prague, too....after writing about so many adventures and interesting experiences, it suddenly feels like there isn't much worth writing about when you return. Which of course isn't true--it just takes a while to settle into a new rhythm with old friends and familiar places and find what will be adventurous/interesting/noteworthy about that life.
Last night before I went to sleep I closed my eyes and just imagined walking the streets of Glasgow. I thought about my friends laughing beside me, the look of the buildings, the sounds of the city, the sight of taxicabs whizzing past, the bright lights, the sound of Scottish accents buzzing around me, and even the feel of the unceasing rain. I miss the rhythm of that life. Sometimes it seems like a surreal dream. A little over a week ago, I had the great happiness of getting to meet up with my Scottish friend Suzie, who flew over for a visit to the States a few days after I left. Strange as it may sound, getting to see her on American soil reminded me that all of my experiences in Scotland were real, not just a distant dream that is seperated from my daily life here in America. Just like my time in Prague, the experiences and the people shape who I am, even if there's no way to express all of those memories and feelings to my friends and family back home.
I've been at home the past few weeks with my family. It's been great (especially being surrounded by beautiful mountains covered in thick blankets of snow), but now I'm headed back to my last semester of school. Mostly the past few weeks have just been a time of unnecessary mental stress as I keep trying to figure out what to do when I graduate...what to do for this summer, for this upcoming year, for the rest of my life. I know whatever I choose isn't carving out a permanent life path, but that's what my irrationally anxious brain feels like sometimes. It feels like I'm launching onto some trajectory and I'm just going to get stuck there. I am trying so hard to get out of that mindset and take a truly longterm view of my life. Despite the vast trend among my friends to get married and settle down straight out of college (which makes me feel old)-- I keep reminding myself that I am pretty darn young and I have so, so many years ahead of me to figure things out. Sometimes I am so scared of wasting my life that I end up forgetting to really live it.
Part of me wants to be back in Scotland. Part of me wants to go back to Prague to do missions work because I know that my heart is still longing for the city and the Czech people. Part of me knows I have to be practical and just take whatever work I can find here for the time being, because living overseas is a costly commitment.
What I want most of all is to serve God with my life by serving His people. I just don't know quite what that looks like for me yet.
Last night before I went to sleep I closed my eyes and just imagined walking the streets of Glasgow. I thought about my friends laughing beside me, the look of the buildings, the sounds of the city, the sight of taxicabs whizzing past, the bright lights, the sound of Scottish accents buzzing around me, and even the feel of the unceasing rain. I miss the rhythm of that life. Sometimes it seems like a surreal dream. A little over a week ago, I had the great happiness of getting to meet up with my Scottish friend Suzie, who flew over for a visit to the States a few days after I left. Strange as it may sound, getting to see her on American soil reminded me that all of my experiences in Scotland were real, not just a distant dream that is seperated from my daily life here in America. Just like my time in Prague, the experiences and the people shape who I am, even if there's no way to express all of those memories and feelings to my friends and family back home.
I've been at home the past few weeks with my family. It's been great (especially being surrounded by beautiful mountains covered in thick blankets of snow), but now I'm headed back to my last semester of school. Mostly the past few weeks have just been a time of unnecessary mental stress as I keep trying to figure out what to do when I graduate...what to do for this summer, for this upcoming year, for the rest of my life. I know whatever I choose isn't carving out a permanent life path, but that's what my irrationally anxious brain feels like sometimes. It feels like I'm launching onto some trajectory and I'm just going to get stuck there. I am trying so hard to get out of that mindset and take a truly longterm view of my life. Despite the vast trend among my friends to get married and settle down straight out of college (which makes me feel old)-- I keep reminding myself that I am pretty darn young and I have so, so many years ahead of me to figure things out. Sometimes I am so scared of wasting my life that I end up forgetting to really live it.
Part of me wants to be back in Scotland. Part of me wants to go back to Prague to do missions work because I know that my heart is still longing for the city and the Czech people. Part of me knows I have to be practical and just take whatever work I can find here for the time being, because living overseas is a costly commitment.
What I want most of all is to serve God with my life by serving His people. I just don't know quite what that looks like for me yet.
January 14, 2010 at 5:37 PM
My dear, dear friend,
Never forget that you can serve God right where you are. It might not be as glamorous, but sometimes we have to serve in the mundane. I love you and I know God will put you where you will be of most use to him and where your gifts and talents will flourish. (:
January 14, 2010 at 10:20 PM
Sometimes I even wonder if my time in Kenya was just a wonderful dream...it is funny how an ocean can make us feel so disconnected from our experiences. But, God will help you to remember the people you met and the memories you shared! And then, God will help lead you somewhere new...have faith, Kristi! :)
January 16, 2010 at 10:22 AM
just go back to Prague :D