live. move. be.

After three amazing months overseas, I am back. It has been quite an insane journey to get here!

Let me start Monday, 7 AM. That's when I woke up in Inverness, and I didn't really fully sleep again until 4 AM Wednesday morning in North Carolina. I took a bus back to Glasgow (which was beautiful and rather cold, in the thick snow) then packed like crazy all afternoon. It was a pretty amazing feat to cram everything from three months back into a few bags in a matter of about 4 hours. I locked up my room and headed over with all my bags to my friend's apartment to hang out for my last night.

Then at 9 PM, I received an email from British Airways, informing me that my flight to London at 7 AM the next morning had been canceled. Since my flight to America was flying out of London Heathrow at 12:00, I was essentially stranded in Glasgow. I was very thankful to be surrounded by a few good friends, because if I was alone I probably would have been twenty times more panicked and freaked out. My amazing friends consoled me with many cups of tea, Indian takeout food, and helping me call multiple airlines and travel agencies. After hours of being on the phone with ridiculously unhelpful people, we finally booked me a new, very expensive flight to London out of Edinburgh that flew out at 6:00 AM...meaning we had to drive about an hour and a half to Edinburgh at 3:30 AM, so we were essentially awake all night. At the airport, I was told that this flight (which was the only thing I could get at the last minute after BA canceled) would charge me eight pounds for every extra kilo of weight over 20 kilos, so I ended up paying over $300 dollars just to check my bags.

I landed at Heathrow at 8:00, and it took me three hours just to clear security. I finally flew out at 12, had a pretty sleepless flight, and landed in Chicago at 3:00 (American time), where it was POURING snow. My flight out of Chicago got delayed at least 4 times, meaning that I was stuck in O'Hare airport for six long, miserable hours until I could finally fly out about 10:00 PM. The airport was crowded, hot, and full of angry people whose flights had been cancelled and delayed...not really the kind of place you want to camp out for 6 hours. I finally arrived in Greensboro about 12:30 AM, and at home close to 4:00....

.....meaning I had been travelling almost 30 hours by the time I got home, and had been awake (besides a minor nap on the plane) for over 48 hours straight. I was nearly delirious. I slept for 14 hours today, and woke up around 5:30 PM. Needless to say, I'm feeling just a bit crazy right now. It's 11:00 PM as I'm typing this, but in Glasgow it's 4:00 AM, and that's still how I feel....like I should be asleep in Scotland.

I am very happy to see my family and to be safely home, but at the moment I just feel incredibly overwhelmed and sad and strange. You never cry that much when you actually say goodbye to people, because it feels like you're just going to see them again the next day.....it's when you actually get home that you realize they're really half the world away and just like that, they're gone, and in an instant, you're living a different life. It all becomes real, and that's when the tears finally come.

I left Glasgow on Thursday morning (after the worst goodbye ever) and drove up to Inverness with my friend Suzie. Just as we left Glasgow it started snowing the biggest snowflakes I've ever seen, and it hasn't really stopped since then. Everything around us is covered in a deep blanket of snow. It's absolutely beautiful (and a little scary, since I need to get back to Glasgow tomorrow morning and the roads are totally covered)!
Anyway, the Highlands are amazing. I'm actually in a little village in the Black Isle called Fortrose, which is about a 15 minute drive from the city of Inverness. I think we're about 4 hours north of Glasgow. It's so beautiful out here, and it's a totally different side of Scotland from what I've seen before. It's right on the beach, but it's also surrounded by rolling pastures and snow capped mountains. I've never seen such a unique, lovely combination of scenery.

I've had a wonderful time with the MacLean family. I've probably eaten more food in the past few days than in my past three years of college combined. Pot roast, cheesecake, yorkshire pudding, chicken curry, lasagna, sticky toffee pudding, and at least 10 cups of tea everyday. Scots measure weight in "stones", and I was told before I came here that I would put on at least 2 stone (1 stone is equal to approx. 14 lbs). They were so right....

I've been enjoying warm fires, good chats, a night walk on the frozen beach, some black pudding and haggis I actually found delicious, a drive out to Loch Ness, and some Christmas shopping in the snow. Excellent times! Tomorrow (weather permitting) I'm headed back to Glasgow on a bus, where I'll be packing for America all day, then flying out early Tuesday morning. I really can't believe tomorrow will be my last day in Scotland....whoa. Time flies.

It's been such a crazy week. I'm pretty sure it's been a few weeks since I've gotten to bed before 3:00 AM or gotten more than 5 hours of sleep per night. When you realize you have such a limited time with people you love, you want to spend every minute with them (not to mention writing papers)! Yesterday was without a doubt one of the best days I've had since arriving in Scotland. I took an awesome road trip up to Glencoe with with all my best friends here, and we saw some of the most beautiful, majestic scenery I've ever seen. I'm still finding it hard to believe it was all real. The most exciting part of the day, though, was that the whole "road trip for the Americans" bit was really a decoy....my friend Roddy, who drove us, was proposing to my friend Fiona! We have been involved in planning the proposal for a couple of weeks now, so it's a marvelous relief to finally be able to let the secret out after a great deal of deception and sneaking about everywhere. She said yes, by the way, to a very romantic, elaborate, lovely proposal in a gorgeous little stone church in Glencoe. (sidenote: why have all my friends, at home and abroad, gotten engaged this year?! This is a crazy phenomenon and it just won't stop!)

Today was my last Sunday at my wonderful little church. We had a huge roast Christmas lunch, I started saying a few goodbyes and everyone asked how I felt about going back. I think I'm mostly in shock. Don't get me wrong, it will be SO, so wonderful to see my family and my dear friends again....but it also feels like I've barely been away, and now I'm leaving so many new friends behind. My semester is so short and it feels like I'm yanking up roots that I just planted. I will miss everyone and everything about Glasgow.

One more week in Scotland, and I think it will be a great one.

1) RUGBY. I watched rugby for the first time on Saturday, and I find it amazing. A Scottish friend told me a few weeks ago, "American football is basically like rugby for sissies." And now I understand his sentiment completely. It's a combination of some of the best elements of football, soccer, and even basketball, and it's the most violent sport I've ever watched. Did I mention they wear absolutely NO protective gear? No padding, no helmets, just soccer shorts and jerseys, and they are pretty much out there murdering each other. The action is way more nonstop and intense than any sport I've ever watched! I was impressed.

2) Ice-Skating! At Christmas time, George Square, the city center of Glasgow, is transformed into a giant winter festival, with tons of lights everywhere, a few carnival rides, a massive Christmas tree, and an ice skating rink! I went with some fellow international students this past weekend and we had a blast. The best part, by far, was helping my friend Kunal. Being from India, he's never had a chance to go ice-skating, so naturally he was pretty terrified! We finally convinced him to let go of the railing and let us try to teach him a few things, and his positive attitude made him a great learner.

3)My Chinese roommates made some amaaaazing fried rice this week and let me taste some.....I don't think eating Chinese takeout will ever be the same after eating the real deal. They are also teaching me some Chinese! I think they have trouble understanding why I like their language, but I keep trying to tell them how much I want to learn. So far I know these words/phrases: Mother, Father, My name is..., How are you?, I am good, Tofu, Tea, and Dumpling. I might not get too far in Shanghai with that, but they tell me I am a good learner, so that's a start!

4) Yesterday, I tried Mince Pie for the first time! It is a Scottish Christmas staple, and now I see why. I also made quite a fool out of myself as I asked my Scottish friend at a coffee shop why they were selling mince pies along with all the sweet pastries.....you see, the British refer to ground beef as "mince," so naturally I assumed these little tart sized pies were all filled with beef. Both my friend and the man behind the counter laughed endlessly at my confusion, and after tasting a pie, I now know that they are 100% meat-free....they're a delicious sweet, fruity, and slightly spicy little piece of heaven. I'm actually eating another one right now!

5) I also tried haggis again today. I really wish I could say I liked this.....

6) Last night, I went to my first pantomime, or "panto" as they often call it, at the Royal Scottish Academy for Music and Drama. Pantomimes a huge British tradition, which I think are particularly big at Christmastime. It's a fun family play, meant for children but with enough humor to keep the adults really entertained as well. It involves a lot of audience participation and fun musical numbers. I had so much fun, yelling and singing and laughing (not to mention imagining ways to re-choreograph a few of the dance scenes).

7) I spent my entire weekend practically living with a few Scottish friends, and the more I am with them, the harder it is to think about leaving. They are all so delightful and funny and kind and I just enjoy every moment we're together. Last night I told them their new project was to figure out a way to get me back to Scotland in the very near future, so I hope their brains are hard at work!

Today has probably been the most unique Thanksgiving of my life.

First, I woke up feeling thankful...for sunny BLUE SKIES! This is so rare in Glasgow and I am convinced it happened just for the Americans who were all missing home. Monsoon style rains have been pouring all week, so today was some sweet relief. I just wanted to run through the streets yelling, "Happy Thanksgiving!" It's funny to feel like you're feeling all this internal holiday spirit and no one around you knows it's a holiday. It made me feel so much kinship with Americans around the world celebrating today in their own way, in whatever culture they find themselves.

And yes, the travesty happened: I had class today. I couldn't hold it in, and so at the end of the class as all of us began packing up, I said "Happy Thanksgiving everyone!" They all stared at me and someone said, "What's that?" I explained that it was a really huge holiday where I came from, one for which I would normally get days off from school. "What are you Americans giving thanks for?" asked my professor, chuckling a bit (I think he found the idea of the holiday a bit amusing). I gave a quick explanation of the first Thanksgiving with the pilgrims and the native americans, and he said, "So essentially you're just giving thanks for America." He and my fellow students found the whole thing quite funny. They just don't know what they're missing.

The best was earlier this week, when a Scottish girl asked me, "So, Thanksgiving....that's like some sort of American Independence day, right?"

Anyway, I mostly just really, really missed my family today. I've never been apart from them on Thanksgiving. I miss my dad's deep fried turkey and my mom's savory stuffing and my grandma's pecan pie. I miss the whole crowd gathering around the table and eating until we're sick. This morning I put some cinnamon and nutmeg on my oatmeal and tried to pretend it was pumpkin pie, but somehow it just wasn't the same!

One of my roommates cooked us a little dinner tonight, and I got to try some new dishes I wouldn't normally think of as traditional, like caramelised brussel sprouts and sweet potato casserole with banana in it. My Chinese roommates got to try their first turkey, and I think they really liked it. But the big meal comes tomorrow....me and two fellow Americans are cooking an ENORMOUS Thanksgiving dinner tomorrow night for people in our church and our international student friends. We are excited to share this American tradition, but also very anxious since none of us have cooked any of this food before and now we are representing our nation with our culinary skills....oh boy. Hey, at least most of them have never celebrated Thanksgiving, so they'll have no idea what it's supposed to taste like!

Off to bed....up at 7:30 AM tomorrow to start 38 pounds of turkey thawing...

I was in Comrie Croft this past weekend on a Glasgow United Youth Fellowship (GUYF) retreat, which was essentially 70 Scottish students from the Free Church congregations in Glasgow getting away from the city for a weekend for some relaxation, worship, discussion, and a lot of fun. My flatmate and I were the only Americans in the crowd, and we loved it! Only in Scotland would you manage to get people singing around a bonfire in the pouring rain, or have teatime as a regular part of your daily schedule. We got fed in amazing style....mango chicken, lasagna (I'm told lasagna is a Free Church staple), pot roast, sticky toffee pudding, and more baked goods than you can imagine. It was so much fun to meet so many new people and spend time getting to know my Scottish friends better. I also love that GUYF includes more than just college students....there was at least one young married couple, and quite a few people who had graduated and been working for a few years. I think it's such a shame when the church segregates age groups so much, particularly when singles who are no longer in college don't really "fit in" anywhere. Considering that I will soon be one of these "graduated singles," I'm all for more age-inclusiveness!

I'm supposed to be writing a paper right now, but I couldn't resist writing about my night because it was so wonderful. I made my first solo walk across Glasgow in the dark tonight. I was headed to a bible study at my church, which is about a 25 minute walk from my university. It was pouring rain, but I didn't even mind....I got to walk past all the enormous displays of Christmas lights through the city center and listened to happy Christmas music on my headphones. It was just as people were getting off of work, and I felt like I was in a scene from a movie, walking through the rain and twirling my red umbrella through a sea of bustling city dwellers, peering in all the shop windows and walking past all the cozy coffee shops and cafes where people were deep in conversation.

But the best part of my night was at my church. If there is one thing I will take away from Scotland, one lasting impression to carry with me, it will be the incredible hospitality and love of the people at Glasgow City Free Church. I have been offered lunch and a long afternoon of chatting at someone's home after every service. I am always welcomed with the most sincere and hearty delight to see me return through the doors, even after I am away for a weekend or two traveling. Tonight I had so many people ask me about my time in Paris who I'd never even told about my travel plans, and they were all genuinely interested in hearing about my experiences. Meals and fellowship seem integral to any church gathering....tonight we had a young adult bible study, followed by a huge meal of delicious lasagna, garlic bread, and cheesecake, then we congregated with the larger church body for a prayer meeting. As we were singing together tonight, I remembered how strange it felt on my first Sunday there to only be singing acapella Psalms, and now I love it. There is a deep passion and reverence and beauty in the way these people sing this simple Scottish Psalter that I rarely see accompany the drums, guitars, mics, and amps of most American worship services I've been in. Tonight was the first time I had ever been to one of these prayer meetings, and here's what I find wonderful: everyone is bowed in silence, and after one person prays out loud, the everyone in the room says "Amen." I didn't expect it the first time it happened, and the loud, echoing resonance of it struck me. It was as if after every prayer that was offered up , the body of beievers was saying "Yes, we want that too. We affirm your request and we join you in asking." It was beautiful.

Before the time of prayer, an older couple from the congregation shared their testimony, asking us to pray for their ministry to international students. They go out almost daily to the various universities in Glasgow to fellowship with students, offer help with English language, and share the gospel when an opportunity arises. They keep their home totally open to have huge groups of international students over for meals and bible studies. They also go to pray with asylum-seekers and prisoners throughout the week. As this gentle, kind woman (who was probably in her early sixties) shared their stories, I thought, "This is what I want to be when I am her age. I want to be able to look back say I have opened my home to strangers and friends, that I have fed meals and shown love to people who are lonely and far from home, that I have prayed with those who have little hope, that I have given freely of what I have, that my life has been marked by serving rather than taking." She was so inspiring to me, and I told her so after the service.

I used to think that so many detailed aspects of a worship service were really important to get church "right"....that music had to be a certain way, that the atmosphere had to set a particular tone, the decor had to get people in a certain mood, that style of preaching had to sound just right to my taste.....but the more I travel and experience so many different types of church services and worship styles, I am increasingly convinced that none of those things really matter if the love of Christ fills a group of people who gather to worship Him.

For the first time tonight, people started asking me how much time I had left rather than how long I had been here, and it made me a little sad to think how short and fleeting the next few weeks will be......but for now, I am full of thanksgiving that God has led me here, to this loving, welcoming little family of believers in Scotland.

I got back from the airport at 2:00 AM Sunday night, so I'm still slightly less than coherent, but I'm going to attempt to describe my exhilarating, whirlwind trip! I'll try to go day by day:

I am typing on a French keyboard and on my Parisean host's computer, so I must be brief.

Quick observations on Paris thus far:

1) it is so, SO beautiful
2) I think crepes will be served in heaven
3) The Mona Lisa is kind of overrated
4) I wish I spoke French

au revoir! more to come....

I've spent this entire week frantically essay-writing, holed up in my room or in a library cubby for hours at a time, so I've been a little too stressed to write about GERMANY. I spent this last weekend in Hamburg, with my flatmate Kelsey. She had a German friend who was a former exchange student in America, who served as our very helpful guide. Some cities I think I could survive on my own: Hamburg is not one of them. Everything is in really unpronounceable German, and the metro system is the most confusing tangle of lines I've ever seen. I really noticed on this trip what a difference it makes to be with a local resident. I think that may have been one of the reasons I enjoyed it so much. I hate this reoccurring feeling of being a tourist, of just casually consuming the culture for whatever I want to get out of it. Being with a German made it feel like I was somehow briefly tapping into the soul of the city, more so than if I was just wondering around looking for tourist destinations. Hamburg is the 2nd largest harbor city in Europe, so looking out at the waterfront and the massive ships everywhere was really fantastic too. Culinary highlights: eating schnitzel, authentic bratwurst, apple strudel, and delicious German butter....all German dairy products have a higher fat content than in America, thereby making them infinitely more delicious!

I discovered recently that I have acquired a few Scottish/English readers on this blog, so let me reaffirm here publicly: I love the United Kingdom! Yes, it takes a bit of adjustment, but it is wonderful. I'm not sure if I've said this yet, but I think Scottish people may be some of the friendliest on the planet. Once you get used to the biting sense of humor, people really are incredibly kind. This is particularly evident in random encounters on the street and with store clerks. Yesterday, a man absolutely made my day by calling me "bonnie lass" as he rang up my groceries. I just sort of stopped and stared for a minute, unsure how to respond....I mean, how often in your life are you called "bonnie lass"?! Ah, the joys of Scotland.

Then there was today. I've been really sick the past couple of days, and it won't stop pouring rain outside. Today was equally dreary, and I woke up incredibly stressed about figuring out my trip to Paris. I'm mostly going to be traveling alone, and I'm more anxious than I've ever been about travelling. But then I ventured out into the rainy city to run some errands, and I was cheered by some of the friendliest Scottish employees I've ever encountered. One man's kindness completely turned my day around when I was on the verge of tears.
My day was also brightened enormously by walking into Starbucks and discovering that the Red cups have returned! This, of course, means that Christmas season, with all its joy and delight, has officially arrived, along with Gingerbread Spice Lattes and Peppermint Mochas. Nothing cheers your heart like a good Christmas coffee!

As previously mentioned, I am headed out to France tomorrow, where I will be for the rest of the week. I'll be in Paris for a few days, then heading out to a more rural region of France to stay with a friend from America who is living/working in a chateau. I'm really excited, but I'm also really scared to do all of this on my own....especially considering that I don't speak French. I would really appreciate your prayers for safety and peace of mind over the next few days....thanks so much!

This week has been a little stressful, to say the least. I have a feeling next week will be this level of stress times about 20. Apparently in the Scottish university system (at least for English majors) your entire grade for each class is based on one paper. One paper! There's no grade for attendance, no quizes, no tests, no small papers.....just giant-comparative literature-heavily researched-essay. As I began to try and figure out how one even writes an English paper in Scotland, I asked my fellow students whether I should use APA or MLA citation style. They looked at me as though I was speaking some other language. For some reason I had assumed these styles were somewhat universal, but apparently not at all. So even figuring out how to write a paper is a huge challenge. If you have not yet listened to The Swell Season (aka Glen Hansard and Marketa Irglova) or watched the movie Once, then do that. It is so, so beautiful.

3) In my Bible study group this week (for which I am immensely thankful....these Scottish girls are so lively and wonderful), we happened to be discussing this verse:

"Peace I leave with you; my peace I give to you. Not as the world gives do I give to you. Let not your hearts be troubled, neither let them be afraid" (John 14:27)

And that's enough.

Germany tomorrow....

Last night I got a really rare treat: an ENJOYABLE show happened to be on our little television. We get five basic channels which are all pretty much rubbish, 24/7. Last night was a rare exception! You might have heard of Jamie Oliver...he's a young English chef who has gotten pretty popular in the States. He's doing sort of a cooking documentary tour of America, trying out the local cuisines of different parts of the country. It's pretty interesting to look at my own homeland from the perspective of a Brit, while watching the show in Scotland.

Last night he was somewhere out West (I never caught the state), discovering authentic cowboy food. He attended a rodeo and lived out in the mountains with real cow-ranchers for a week, and along the way cooked things like huge slabs of beef and homemade baked beans in little Dutch Ovens (cast iron pots that are set in or over a campfire, then covered with coals and left for hours to cook), or cooking a steak on a stick in the fire out on the trail, the way one might roast a marshmallow for a s'more. Oh how I wanted ALL of that food. I can't even tell you. I would kill for a good steak or some smoky barbecue these days.

Along the same lines of nostalgic Americana, I've also been listening to a lot of bluegrass and old-fashioned country today, and it's all made me think that this is one of the most unique and wonderful things about the U.S. So much of much of American culture has shaped and influenced Europe (not always in good ways) and the lines between them often feel blurred....but I think one of the things that remains really wholly American is the mythic (often romanticized) old wild West and all the legacy of music, food, storytelling and pioneering spirit that goes with it.

I think one of the really exciting things about being abroad is that it makes you look at your own country and culture from so many new perspectives. Even living here with an American from another part of the country makes us realize that so many of the things we take for granted about "American" life are really just native to our own little region of the country. Sometimes when we try to explain our country over here, we find ourselves saying completely opposite things! We are also quite used to the Scots and the Europeans bringing up every stereotype of Americans as loud, fat, lazy, uncultured and stupid....and most of the time, we just laugh and admit that a lot of the negative images are largely based in truth. A few weeks ago one of my German friends asked me what the English word is for someone who is highly uncultured. I replied, "You mean an American?" and he promptly died laughing.

Anyway, all this to say, sometimes I feel homesick not just for my family or my friends, but for my homeland, in all its complexity. I recognize its flaws (massive ones), but I also see the things that make it great. Back in the States, I often tend more towards complaining about the things I dislike about my culture....but here, I realize all the wonderful things I miss about it, too.

Yesterday I handed my professor a mandatory form for international students to arrange early assessment.

I began, "So I'm a visiting student from America..."

He replied, with no trace of feeling in his voice, "Yes, well that's quite clear." He then stared blankly at me. "So what do you want me to do about it?"

Thank you, kind man, for making me so very welcome in your class. It gives me such a nice, warm fuzzy feeling.

First of all, I want to say thank you to my sweet friends for commenting on my last post and giving me such rich encouragement. Really and truly, it means the so much to me.

Secondly....LONDON! I went back this weekend because one of my best friends from high school (and former roommate in college) was going to be there for a week for school, and we just couldn't resist the opportunity to meet up. I wasn't really smart enough to plan ahead on this one, so I ended up taking a bus there and back....which was a NINE HOUR ride--one way. So I spent most of Friday and Sunday on a cramped bus, but hey, I can handle aching muscles and dehydration for a day in such a great city.

Getting into the city Friday night was quite interesting. I wondered around four blocks searching for a particular bus in a virtual ocean of buses. I finally gave up, knowing I had already missed the one I was supposed to take, so I rode around the Underground for about 45 minutes until I made it to the train station. I accidentally jumped on the wrong train and thankfully, I had a strange feeling that I was on the wrong train and literally jumped off right as it was leaving. It was kind of a frightening thing heading out on the train, watching the landmarks of the city disappear from my eyes. I was in a hostel on the other side of the Thames....the wrong side of the Thames. This is not where you want to arrive after dark--but that's just what I did. Seriously, I've rarely been as nervous as I was in this neighborhood, but thank the Lord, I survived. My friends arrived later that night, and when we came out of the hostel Saturday morning, we were pleasantly greeted with a blood splattered sidewalk surrounded by police tape as we walked to the train station.

But anyway, we did have a fantastic day! We spent the morning in St. Paul's Cathedral, which was really spectacular. We did the enormous hike (259 narrow, winding stairs) up to the top of the dome and looked out over really amazing views of the city. It was overcast and cloudy, but that's London. Naturally, pictures are forbidden in St. Paul's, but the one here is one of the stealthy snapshots I managed to click.

After the cathedral we stood in line for discount theatre tickets in Leicester Square, grabbed some lunch, and parted ways. I spent my afternoon wandering around the city, ducking in various shops, taking another look at the Houses of Parliament and Big Ben, and doing some people-watching in Trafalgar Square. My favorite part of the afternoon was perusing the National Gallery. Museums are totally free in the UK, and this one is INCREDIBLE. I spent almost two hours in there, but one could truly spend all day soaking it in. I saw works by Michelangelo, Leonardo da Vinci, Monet, Van Gogh, Reubens, Cezannne, Rembrandt, Van Eyck, Raphael, Botticelli, Titian, and Degas. I was probably most excited to see a painting I remember loving as a little girl: "The Umbrellas," by Renoir.

After dinner, I went to see the musical Wicked, which I've wanted to see for several years now. It was, just as I expected, really spectacular and so much fun! We had quite a late night of wonderful fun with my dear friend Hannah......and then I got about 3 hours of sleep.

The really frightening part was getting back to my bus the next day. I had to get up at 6AM to wonder around (in the dark, of course) this scary neighborhood to find a random local city bus back to the huge Victoria bus station and make it to my Glasgow bus by 8AM. Somehow (by the grace of God) I made it onto the bus on time and made the 9 hour journey back.

It seemed strangely comforting to pull back into Glasgow as the sun set....I think I'm actually starting to feel at home here, and I can't even begin to say how happy that makes me.

A few days ago, I was pleasantly surprised with several different facebook messages from friends that all happened to write me over the same couple of days. Hearing from friends back home really means more than I can say, and I am so grateful for any small communication I receive.
Last week, for the first time, someone asked me if I felt alone here. I had to answer honestly that there are many times when I do. It seems like such a strange contradiction, because I have met more new friends than I can even keep up with and I'm surrounded by continual masses of people that fill the busy city streets. Yet there are times when I feel profoundly and deeply alone--or isolated might be the better word.

I am so much more self-conscious about being an American than I ever expected. I sit alone in my classes, surrounded by other 4th year students who already know each other and don't often care to speak to an international student. They all stare at me when I speak in class the minute they hear my American accent. I am so accustomed to being a vocal participant and it feels so strange to suddenly be so shy.

Perhaps the thing that makes me feel more isolated than anything is really quite silly: fashion. Unlike America, where students commonly go to class in sweatpants and t-shirts, people here (particularly girls) really dress up to go to class. I'm talking high heels, fancy handbags, dresses, intense amounts of makeup, etc. Not only that, but the common, everyday style here is unlike anything I could have possibly imagined. Girls almost never wear pants....tights or leggings with a slightly long shirt is the most common look. Tennis shoes are unthinkable, and wearing sweatpants (or anything remotely comfortable) outside of a gym would be almost criminal. The style in general is so strange and overdone that if I wanted to try and "blend in" with the crowd, I just couldn't do it without buying an entirely new wardrobe and sacrificing every shred of my concept of "normal" clothing.

So when I go out in a simple long sleeve shirt and average fitting jeans, people stare at me like I'm an underdressed slob who didn't get the memo to look normal. Some days I try to fit in and wear something more British, and then I feel like a terrible impostor who can't even be true to myself.


....Okay, after taking a break for a couple hours, I just read over what I've written thus far I get the same feeling that I've had a lot over the past couple of weeks: disgust at my own self-absorption. I'm really tired of wallowing in shallowness. I'm tired of my own vanity and caring about how people perceive me. I am praying that I will have the courage to be different, to be at peace with my own uniqueness and with the ways I don't fit into this culture. I want to spend my mental energy on greater things than my own fear of appearing out of place. I don't want to chase after a temporary reputation of "normalcy"when it's so entirely false and fleeting.

My deepest desire is to live a life of substance and truth, a life that glorifies God and serves others.....oh, how I pray that this longing would burn brighter in me than my craving for acceptance! I am falling so short of that right now....but I keep falling into grace upon grace, and for that I am going to sleep grateful.

I headed out around 6:45 AM on Saturday with six other international students, taking a bus to Edinburgh, the capital city of Scotland. It's remarkably close to where I live, only about 45 minutes away. It's incredibly different from Glasgow, but it's hard to know how to articulate the differences. It's far more fancy....Edinburgh has always been the cultural, literary, political hub of Scotland, so it's had quite a lot more money invested in it than Glasgow, which is historically a rough, gritty, industrial port town. Though Edinburgh is far more "posh," it's also an absolute tourist magnet. I have yet to see tourist oriented attractions or stores in Glasgow, but the streets of Edinburgh are lined with tartan scarves, kilts, "I (heart) Scotland" t-shirts, bagpipe players, and William Wallace imitators. That's probably because Glaswegians wouldn't stand for it. Glasgow feels like a city where people actually LIVE, and I love that. It has a buzz about it that's edgier and to me, more exciting.

Anyway, we did have a beautiful weekend! We spent Saturday afternoon hiking up King Arthur's Seat, a mountain that consists of the remains of an extinct volcano. You might know it from a scene in Chariots of Fire. It was a lovely hike, just challenging enough to be enjoyable, and gave us an incredible view of the city from the top. The amazing thing about Edinburgh is that it's surrounded by the ocean...so we're on top of a rocky craig, looking over the tops of elegant stone buildings and then farther out to the stunning blue sea. Wow.

We were blessed with incredible weather (this NEVER happens in Scotland) on Sunday, which we used to roam the remarkable Edinburgh castle. It really seems straight out of a fairy tale, placed on a rocky cliff high above the city. We spent several hours admiring views of the city, impressive canons, the Scottish crown jewels, and the history of the Scottish monarchy.

After a long morning of castle exploring, we searched out (and successfully found) the Elephant Cafe, where J.K. Rowling scribbled the beginnings of Harry Potter on scraps of napkins. Considering that the cafe has a view of the castle, we could see where she got some of her ideas about a certain magical school!

All in all, we couldn't ask for a better weekend, but now I'm exhausted and trying to catch up on the 900 pages I was assigned to read this weekend. Hey, I was supposed to be reading Sir Walter Scott, but instead I explored his hometown....can I somehow get credit for that?